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How Important is Chemistry?

How Important is Chemistry?

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chemistryLucy typed to me recently:

“Dear Kathy, i recently started on eHarmony.  We came across a gentleman so we proceeded to have a meeting over coffee that was for just two hours.  We then went on a lunch date and once more chatted for just two hours. Our third date ended up being dinner…we had a lovely time.

We felt I happened to be learning this guy slowly, no “sparks” back at my part.  But perhaps potential….in 8 hours how can you truly know some body?  Subsequently, the very next day he gave me a “dear john” email stating that we had been not on exactly the same paths.

I happened to be completely shocked…is this typical?  He additionally requested to kiss me after our dinner date.  In the cheek ended up being appropriate to me.  Are We too slow? Or is this typical? I must be enlightened.”

Hi Lucy,

I do believe the response to your concern lies in something you stated within letter. You stated that despite going on three dates and having to learn the guy slowly there have been no “sparks” obtainable.  Also on the third date you merely felt inclined to allow him kiss you on the cheek, I would guess most likely because you didn’t have real sense of destination to him. Usually women can be a lot easier for men to learn because our actions and body language tend to be relatively great indicators of your emotions, and maybe he found you weren’t truly into him. Heard of this old adage “actions talk louder than words”?

Unless your date was only selecting the occasional social friend, or simply you to definitely become buddys with, he most likely sensed this would not become any thing more than platonic.  As shocked as you might have been, it appears to me that he do you both a favour by closing it and moving forward before some body got injured. You don’t want to end in a relationship where neither person can meet up with the other’s objectives – a surefire dish for failure.

Was it incorrect you didn’t get into an important lip-lock with him on that date as opposed to providing your cheek?  Definitely not! You shouldn’t make a move you don’t feel right-about. I do believe you were just acting as the heart dictated so that as much as he ended up being a fantastic guy, your heart ended up beingn’t into it.

Whenever you can seriously state you saw another with this specific guy, perhaps once you provided your cheek you could have stated something like “i enjoy you plenty, and I hope you feel exactly the same. I need to take this slow because I’ven’t dated anyone in a number of years and I was focused on going too quickly and having injured. If You Prefer me too, I Am Hoping you’ll respect that.”  You’ll find nothing incorrect with taking things slow and any guy which worth your love will respect your requirements.  However you may have to cause it for him otherwise he may obtain the incorrect message from your own behavior.

Lucy, you’ll want to think about what you’re truly selecting on eHarmony or any senior dating site.  Are you looking for simply company or do you desire a romantic commitment?  If it is love you are searching for, We strongly suggest you move forward from the men you don’t feel any chemistry for (“sparks”) and write-off your dates to have.  It’sn’t simple getting back into the dating scene if you’ve been from it for quite some time. However i really do believe you will be aware once you meet some body (especially by the third date) if you can find any “sparks”.

If it is company just that you would like, you can’t anticipate the dates you meet to really have the exact same schedule as you – if you do not have had detailed talks about this just before actually hook up.  Plus if you are on the same page, friendships too require a certain chemistry to the office. Only once you meet some body in skin do you want to determine if that chemistry will there be.

In the early phase of dating, always remember to-be yourself, be truthful and frank regarding your objectives, while you have gotn’t dated in a bit read my article about conversation topics in order to prevent.

All the best Lucy!



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